你能翻译下面的英语笑话吗?

My wife and I can‘t come to the phone right now, but if you‘ll leave your name and number, we‘ll get back to you as soon as we‘re finished.  
 
  Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn‘t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don‘t worry, I have plenty of money.  
 
  Hi, I‘m not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.  
 
  Hi! John‘s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I‘ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.*(见注)  
 
  Hello, this is Sally‘s microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I‘m stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.  
 
  Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you‘re still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.  
    
  Hi. I am probably home. I‘m just avoiding someone I don‘t like. Leave me a message, and if I don‘t call back, it‘s you.  
 
  This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought- recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I‘ll think about returning your call. 
 
 
  Hi, this is George. I‘m sorry I can‘t answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.  
 
  If you are a burglar, then we‘re probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can‘t come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren‘t home and it‘s safe to leave us a message.  
 
  You‘re growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.  
 
  Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.  
 
  Hello, you‘ve reached Jim and Sonya. We can‘t pick up the phone right now, because we‘re doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right ... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we‘re done brushing our teeth, we‘ll get back to you.

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柒月 4级
2008-04-18 回答
我的妻子和我不能立刻接听电话,但是如果你留下你的名字和电话,我们一旦我们完成就将回电你。 

  嗨。 这是约翰。 如果你是电话公司,我已经送了钱。 如果你是我的父母,请送钱。 如果你是我的财务帮助机构,你没有借我充足的钱。 如果你是我的朋友,你亏欠我钱。 如果你是一位女性,不烦恼,我有许多钱。 

  嗨, 我立刻不是家庭但是我的答录机是, 因此你能改为和它说话。 等候哔哔声。 

  嗨! 约翰的答录机被打破。 这是他的电冰箱。 请非常慢慢地说, 而且我将黏住你的讯息我自己与这些磁铁之一。*(见注)

  哈罗, 这是莎莉的微波。 她的答录机刚刚以她的音带甲板私奔了,因此,我与采取她的呼叫被欺骗。 说,如果你想要,任何东西烹调了你离开你的信息的一会儿, 仅仅支撑它决定于电话。 

  哈罗, 你正在和一部机器说话。 我有能力接受信息。 我的拥有者不需要侧线,窗户或一个热水缸,而且他们的地毯是干净的。 他们经过他们的办公室给慈善而且不需要被照的他们的照片。 如果你仍然和我在一起, 离开你的名字,而且数字和他们将会回到你。 
  
  嗨。 我回家。 我仅仅正在避免我不喜欢的某人。 留给我一个信息,而且如果我不回电,它是你。 

  这不是一个答录机 -- 这是一个精神感应术的记录想法的装置。 在明暗之后,想你的名字、你呼叫的理由和我能联络你,而且我将想回你电话的一个数字。 


  嗨, 这是乔治。 对不起我立刻不能接电话。 留言, 然后根据你的电话等候直到我把你打电话给回来。 

  如果你是一个窃贼,那么我们或许在立刻清洁我们的武器,而且不能接听电话的家。 另外,我们或许不是家庭的,而且留给我们一个信息是安全的。 

你正在增加疲累的  。 你的眼皮变得很重。 你现在觉得非常困乏。 你正在逐渐地损失你的意志力和你的能力抵抗提议。 当你听到明暗你将会无助地感觉强迫离开你的名字,数字和一个信息。 

  请留言。 然而,你有权利保持沈默。 你说意志被记录,而且意志被我们用的每件事物。 

  哈罗, 你已经联络吉姆和桑雅。 因为我们正在做我们真的享受的某事,所以我们立刻不能拾起电话。 桑雅喜欢上下地做它,而且我喜欢向左做它到右边。。。 真正的慢慢地。 因此留言, 而且当我们被做刷我们的牙齿的时候,我们将会回到你。