英语笑话与新闻

五篇笑话和英语新闻,要可以背下来的那种,越短越好...

英语新闻不要给录音,要打出来...

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Lionel 9级
2009-08-06 回答

1.Customer: Give me a hot dog. Waiter: With pleasure. Customer: No, with mustard. 顾客:来个热狗。 侍者:很高兴。 顾客:不要,加上芥末。 (注:英语中with pleasure是“很高兴”的意思。这位顾客把pleasure当成调料了。怪不得他说不要pleasure,要芥末呢。)

2.An old lady who was very deaf and who thought everything too dear, went into a shop and asked the shopman:' How much this stuff?' 'Seven dollars, Madam, it is very cheap.' The lady said, 'It is too much, give it to me for fourteen.' 'I did not say seventeen dollars, but seven.' 'It is still too much,' replied the old lady, 'give it to me for five.' 一位耳聋并且总是嫌东西太贵的老太太走进一家商店。 她问店员:“这东西要多少钱?” “七美元,太太,这是很便宜的。” 老太太说:“太贵了,十四美元差不多。” 店员忙说:“我没说十七美元,是七美元。” “还是太贵,”老太太说:“五美元,我就买啦。”

3.Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you all to answer at once. How much is 6 plus 4?  Student: At once! 老师:全班同学听着,不管我问什么,你们都要马上回答。6+4等于几? 学生:马上。  4.Canteens, gyms, and kiosks operating round-the-clock at the Olympic Media Village are ready to cater to accredited journalists. 24小时服务的奥运媒体村餐厅、健身房以及报亭都已准备就绪,等待迎接所有注册记者的到来。 5.The village consists of two residential compounds - Green Homeland and Huiyuan, and is just 15 minutes away by bus to the Main Press Center and International Broadcast Center. 媒体村包括两个居住区——绿色家园和汇园,距离主新闻中心和国际传播中心只有15分钟的车程。

最新回答 (1条回答)

2009-08-06 回答
Joke 1

Not That Kind of Recycling!


A woman returned home after a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with another, younger woman. Just as she was about to rip her husband a new one, he quickly explained the situation:


“You have to hear about how this happened. While driving home, I saw this young girl looking poor and tired, so I offered her a ride. Since she was hungry, I brought her home and fed her some of the leftovers in the refrigerator that you had forgotten about. Her shoes were worn out, so I gave her a pair of your shoes that you don’t wear because they went out of style. She got cold, so I gave her that sweater I got you for your birthday that you never wear because you don’t like the color. Her jeans were worn and full of holes, so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore. Then, as she was about to leave the house, she asked, ‘Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?’" 

Joke 2

At a press conference, President George W. Bush announced that he is surprised at how quickly global warming is happening. Then one of his aides pulled him aside and explained that it was just springtime. 


Joke 3

A woman called her husband during the day and asked him to pick up some organic vegetables for that night’s dinner on his way home. 


The husband arrived at the store and began to search all over for organic vegetables before finally asking the produce guy where they were. The produce guy didn’t know what he was talking about, so the husband said: “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with poisonous chemicals?”


To which the produce guy replied, “No, sir, you will have to do that yourself.”

翻译 
笑话1:一个女人在结束购物之旅回家后,震惊地发现她的丈夫和另一个年轻的女人躺在床上。他丈夫很快解释:
你必须知道如何发生的,我开车回家,看到这个小女孩看上去很穷很疲惫,所以我把她带回来。因为她饿了,我把家里的一些美联储的剩菜给她,你已经忘记了。她的鞋子坏了,所以我给了她一双你不穿的认为过时的鞋。她感冒了,所以我给了她你从来没有穿,因为你不喜欢颜色的毛衣。她是穿着牛仔裤和充满漏洞,所以我给了她一个你认为不适合的。然后,她要离开家,她问,是否还有其他你的妻子不使用了

笑话2:在新闻发布会上,美国总统布什宣布,他感到全球变暖正在以多么吃惊的速度发生。然后他的一名助手把他拉到一边,并解释说,现在是春天。 

笑话3:一名女子打电话给她丈夫,要他在那天晚上回家的路上买一些有机蔬菜。 
丈夫来到商店,开始搜寻所有的有机蔬菜,最终还是询问了。被询问的人不知道他在说什么,因此,丈夫说: “这些蔬菜是给我妻子的。他们被喷洒有毒化学品了没?  
那人回答说: “没有,先生,你只能自己喷。” 

虽然没有能源的,但是有资源浪费,全球变暖和有机食品 希望您满意 
参考资料:那个ckck啥玩意儿 你有病啊抄我的